Monday, December 29, 2008

On raising children...

...hhummph... Turns out, I'm now one of the older mothers, so I'm fielding some questions from younger moms needing advice. Here's one to which I replied recently.

I'm looking for ways to deal with adhd.. We are thinking that our youngest may be adhd. Wewill not go to the doctor to find out,because then they would put her on meds, and we really don't want to dothat.

What I'm asking, I guess, is how do I deal with this child, and she is now required to sit with us in church on Sunday night... And I've heard from other people that what is normal to us is not normal to them...

I'm wondering if any of you have any ideas about what to do with her in the evening (services). Unless she is sleeping, she drives me insane. I've done the coloring thing, that lasts about 10 minutes. I'm thinking of getting a squishy ball or something, but she might end up throwing it across the church and hitting someone.. Any suggestions would be helpful...

Here are my thoughts:

First, don't sit at the front of the church! LOL As much as that just sounds like common sense, I didn't get that when my girls were little. (How embarassing!) You might find a back pew with a "cry room" close by where she can be taken if you need to speak to her privately.

Second, she will eventually need to learn to sit quietly, or to at least BE quiet and occupied in the pew. We had that problem with one of our daughters, and I can tell you that it was a challenge for me. Remember, though, that even though you may crave sitting in church and hearing the Word, it's your responsibility to train the children God has given to you and your husband. You both can, and must be actively involved with her in the training process!

I took a "quiet bag" to church for my younger ones, and got the idea from Doorposts. They had some great suggestions on what to put inside, like fabric dolls, felt boards and characters, the coloring stuff (washable, of course), and small **quiet** games and puzzles with few pieces that can be played quietly. I also spent alot of time holding her, stroking her hair or back, or rubbing her fingers.

I always felt condemned that my daughter wasn't "listening" because she was active in the pew, but it turns out that her brain was active and needed to be active to retain information. We're all that way to some extent; alot of us have just been conditioned to sit quietly (which means some of us have tuned our brain into other things and won't retain a single piece of the information being presented). Fortunately, our spirits never sleep or slumber, and that Word is getting in whether we know it our not! One proof of that statement is my daughter today. She got it, and she's living it in many ways. Even when I thought she wasn't listening, she was getting it.

Don't feel condemned that your girl is not the cookie cutter, sit quietly type. That also doesn't mean that you don't have to train her to control herself in services, but there's a healthy balance! Make sure you child has plenty of opportunity before evening service to run, play and be active. This will help "burn off" some of the energy before the service begins!
The most important thing is to cast this care on your Father, because, before you are a wife or a mother, YOU ARE HIS DAUGHTER! He cares so much for you, and for your children. He'll help you, and show you exactly what you need to do.

Take a few minutes right now to release this to Him, and ask Him to help you, and to show you the way of escape from this frustration. Pressure to act hastily and frustration are from the enemy. Let's not give him any ground, and take back the ground he thinks he has in your life, and in your daughters!

Love you Sister!

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